I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
