moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
