party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
