When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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