a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
