you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
