i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
