are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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