Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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