I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
