i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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