i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
