he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
