I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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