No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
