her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
50% drunk capacity currently
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
