Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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