so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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