who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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