Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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