i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
