Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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