Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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