That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
