Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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