I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
