matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
