Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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