All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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