gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
