a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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