my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
