I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
