best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
