Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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