we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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