Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
