I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
