Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
