im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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