Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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