did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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