just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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