Your dad touched me again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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