Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
