I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
