ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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