So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
