More tranny stories later!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
