Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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