Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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