saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
