just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
